Today's post is similar to a rant post, but I have decided to call it New Rules. Like on the show Real Time With Bill Mahar, I have decided to come up with a list of new rules I would like to see implemented. In this case, the rules are specific to the gym. Without further ado, may I present you today's...
New Rule: Its Not Cardio If You Are On The Phone
If you can scream into your cell phone, "OMG girlfriend, I know! But like what am I supposed to do ya know? He is super hot!" - all the while on the elliptical or other machine, you cannot count that as a cardio workout. Hang up and start huffing. You must also stay off the machine during peak hours because the people who are really there to workout need that machine you are basically standing on.
New Rule: No More Basting
That's right big mama(s), going to the gym everyday to baste yourself in the spa does not constitute working out. When you tell your friends that you go to the gym religiously, you now have to mention that the by religiously, you mean baptizing yourself in the spa rather than exercising. Plus, you make puddles on the locker room floor and I am sick of setting my bag in them.
New Rule: Wear the Whole Shirt
Sir, you know who you are. You there, the one who has taken a T-shirt and cut the arm holes all the way out basically removing the sides of the shirt in the process. Maybe this is to show off your pecs, but it also shows off your gut. And like a particularly gruesome scene in a horror film, your gut is all I can focus on. You are working out in a climate controlled environment, how much ventilation do you need?
New Rule: Keep It Down
Okay big guy. We allllllll know it, you are lifting a lot of weight. I have never seen tattoos glisten and flex so luminously. Way to go, but I am trying to watch Gossip Girl over here and I can't hear the well thought out plot lines over your grunting. I know you think I am checking you out, but I am actually giving you a dirty look. The botox is just preventing me from making that clear. That is not an invitation to posture more. I would never date someone like you...even if I was in the market for a douche bag.
Sweets, I have many MANY more....but I think I will save those for the next round of New Rules.
Last week's poll had a good response. Most of you sweets are busy dreaming about a beach vacation from the looks of things.
Which of the following people bug you the most at the gym:
Cell phone users
Cell phone users
Go vote in this weeks poll! (top right side of blog)