Friday, July 29, 2011

Zumba Hurts My Soul

Oh dear Sweets,

Anybody read the fine print yesterday? Well than you know I was planning on going to a Zumba class....and I did. Ouch. Zumba makes my soul hurt. For those of you who don't know, Zumba is a (my own description here) aerobic dance class with a Latin theme. Salsa, Merengue, Rumba, Samba, Tango, Cha Cha Cha- you name it.

Now please know, I don't suffer from low self esteem so this next statement is an empirical fact. I SUCK AT DANCING! Ergo, I SUCK AT ZUMBA!

Little fact sweets, I used to go dancing in high school one night a week. My underage friends and I would drive 30 minutes to a club near UC Davis on the "all ages" night. I thought we were going for the sake of getting dressed up and meeting boys. When we all had boyfriends, imagine my surprise when the plan still involved going to The Grad.

Infamous Grad

"We have boyfriends now, why would we still go to The Grad?"

Dude, to like dance. Duh.

(Clearly this exchange took place in 1996 California)

My point- I have never enjoyed dancing for the sake of dancing. I was never a good dancer, unless you count swing dancing and I learned very quickly that was NOT cool at The Grad.

Fast forward 12 years- image: me standing in the back of a Zumba class trying to keep up and not pull a shin bone or knock a rib out of place. The fact that this class could be fun for people was not lost on me. There were people having the time of their lives in that room. Benvinedo a Miami. I was just not one of those people. I decided early on that I had no chance of keeping up with Shakira (I was in the back row, but I am fairly confident that was who was instructing the class). I decided to just keep moving and work up a sweat. At one point Shakira screamed, MAKE THIS NEXT ONE SEXY. I am pretty sure she was talking to me.

"Not Like that! I said SEXY"

The closest I got to sexy was when one of "my girls" nearly popped out of my low cut shirt. It was not the highbrow sexy I was hoping for....

The only time I actually approached the choreographed moves was during the Flamenco dance. Apparently that was my moment to shine and really show my talents. So I channeled the same enthusiasm as I had during the boyfriend Grad years and danced my little heart out.....but just like high school, I kept checking the clock and dreaming about my flannel pajamas* that were waiting for me at home.

What about you sweets? Ever tried Zumba? What about any other aerobic dance classes? You likes?

* Although this story makes me sound like a sad single cat women who cries alone on her birthday in a bathtub each year, I do not in fact own flannel pajamas. Thank you.


  1. I could have written this post :) I'm not so awesome at dancing either. I can swing dance and a few other ballroom dances, but any Latin dances or booty shakin'...I'm less than stellar. Glad to know I'm not alone. I've never even tried a Zumba class because I know I would be a train wreck haha.

    Happy Friday!!

  2. My first and only Zumba class was with you:) Zumba and I are not friends - I have no rythym and since I spend so much time trying to figure out the steps, I don't feel like I'm getting that much of a workout.

    Btw, since when is it lame to wear flannel pjs?

  3. Too funny! I actually love to dance, and have been on dance teams most of my life! BUT I still feel awkward in aerobic dance classes, so don't worry!

  4. Too funny! I actually love to dance, and have been on dance teams most of my life! BUT I still feel awkward in aerobic dance classes, so don't worry!

  5. I did my first and last Zumba class today. I guess I should have researched more because I wasn't aware that you are put in a room with an "instructor" (who does absolutely ZERO *instruction*) dancing around on a platform.

    Seriously, you're not going to show me any of the moves AT ALL. So I'm just bouncing around with absolutely no idea what is happening, what's coming next, or what you want when you scream and gesture incoherently?? What? Am I missing something?? Was I supposed to watch a DVD or something before coming to class?

    I ended up running out of the place with a panic attack and puking by my car. I'm debating whether or not to go back tomorrow and ask for my towel. I'd just leave it behind forever except I LOVE that gym towel.

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