Saturday, July 30, 2011

Doctor Doctor, Tell Me The News


I went to a new Dr. the other day because I had some health and fitness related questions. After reading the notes I so diligently took during my visit, I'm not so sure he was that great of a Doctor.....

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: The heart is only good for so many beats, and that is it... Don't waste it on exercise. Everything will wear out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; it is like saying you can extend the life of a car by driving it faster. If you want to live longer- take a nap!

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled from wine, that means they take water out of it and leave the fruity bits so you get even more of goodness. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad
for you?
A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! Food is fried in vegetable oil. How is getting more vegetables bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HELLLOOOO!! Cocoa beans?!?!? Another vegetable! It is the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure than explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

His final piece of advice?

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Hope you enjoyed this one sweets!


  1. That was hilarious! I love your blog and admire your writing style. I look forward to reading your blog daily.


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